“It started with that. Then fighting Zack … and you…. And watching Meteor head for the Planet.” Sephiroth sighed. He missed Zack. Angeal and Genesis leaving had seemed the worst crisis possible. But it had got ever so much worse. Right now, remembering everything, he wondered if it could ever get better.
Was there even much point trying to sleep more? He was exhausted, but dreaming about what he’d done was even more exhausting.
Now there was something that they could both agree on. Missing Zack, that was. Cloud missed him a lot. In many aspects, Zack had been the first real friend that Cloud had. He and Tifa only really grew close in adulthood and in recent years. Zack was the first person that actually brought a smile to Cloud's face. Probably the only person that really got to see Cloud as he was.
"There were times where, after remembering everything, I wondered if Zack could have handled all of this better than me."
He didn't know why he was saying that. It wasn't something that Cloud expressed out loud to anyone, really. Yet here was was, saying it now.
Sephiroth blinked in surprise when Cloud spoke, and when he confessed such a thing to him of all people.
"... You handled it well," he said. "A lesser person would have irreparably broke after everything that happened. Everything I did, to you and others.... Your strength ... fascinated me." And angered him. "I couldn't comprehend it for years." He wasn't sure he really did now, either.
Had it been Zack, would he have been able to get through to Sephiroth? Doubtful. He was too far gone, too swallowed up by Jenova and hatred and insanity. Zack hadn't been able to save him at Nibelheim.
Maybe if Sephiroth hadn't pushed him away then.... If he hadn't insisted on staying in that blasted library....
But it was useless to think about those things now.
Look, he just. Understood what it was like to look back at everything you had done and wonder what went wrong. Cloud often "reflected" over the course of events and thought that, perhaps, there were things that could have went differently. Even if it was useless to think about those things, it didn't stop the thoughts from filtering in. They would always come and go. Cloud supposed that the key was not holding onto them for overly long.
A lesser person, Sephiroth said. Cloud scoffed. "A stronger person wouldn't have been controlled so easily. They would've seen right through it."
What he didn't say was that a stronger person might have been able to save Aerith. Maybe a stronger person would have been able to stop Zack from running off and instead just. Run away from Midgar or find another way in.
"I was just. Angry. In Nibelheim anyway. My mother was done and I thought that Tifa was too. Then I saw Zack and I just saw red. Then after that I was still so mad but then I also just found things I wanted to protect. Maybe that's what you should find."
"You stopped yourself from killing Aerith," Sephiroth said. Yes, Cloud had been controlled into giving up the Black Materia, but somehow he had broken Sephiroth's control when it came to committing murder.
He sighed. If only he had stopped himself from doing it when Cloud hadn't....
"Things to protect," he mused. "I ... want to protect the Planet instead of destroying it, but I hope there aren't any other serious dangers to worry about." There could be, though. He could be on guard for that, at least.
"... I could always try to keep people safe from monster attacks, I suppose." But they would probably be more afraid of him than the monsters. Perhaps ... if they didn't know it was him, then maybe it would work better....
Cloud would not respond to that one. He wondered if some of that was due to his own weakness of wanting to matter. To get the approval that he never really had. Though, right now, it would appear that there were things that Sephiroth also regretted when it came to that. Cloud didn't exactly need Sephiroth's words of encouragement. It felt. Odd.
To protect the planet instead of destroying it. Cloud also hummed in thought at that. "Honestly, Shinra did more damage to it than you really did. Meteorfall shouldn't have happened, but because it did no one's using mako anymore."
Silver lining and all of that. That definitely wasn't what Jenovah wanted, but in a sense Meteor kind of forced everyone to really stop and think about the planet and the future. Something good did come out of it.
"Hojo had a lot of labs and places for different projects. Maybe the first step is actually finding them all. If things hadn't happened the way that they did... Would Zack, Vincent, and I have been found? How much time would have passed?"
And he paused as he thought about that. "I would be more than happy to dismantle more of Hojo's labs," he said. "Maybe there's even other victims still alive in some of them." A horrifying thought. What would be happening to them? Nothing good for sure.
"... If you were still in the lab, I would have still been trying to destroy the Planet. And I might have succeeded." He shook his head. "Or maybe you really would have been found and things would have played out much the same. It's impossible to say. It's better not to ponder on those impossible What Ifs ... and yet it's so difficult not to think about them."
"Possibly. Vincent and I couldn't be the only ones..."
Did Sephiroth really count? Cloud wasn't entirely sure of that. Sephiroth was alive now and he survived whatever Hojo put him through. However was he really caged? That was the part that Cloud didn't know. He wasn't sure he was ready to ask, to talk about a man that had screwed so many people over.
Besides, Sephiroth wasn't wrong. It was impossible to say how things might have played out. Dwelling on them didn't really do anyone any good.
"So think of that when you go back to sleep. Not about the 'what ifs,' but of chances to make things right."
Sephiroth definitely felt the same, that there must be others. He had certainly been a victim, but he wouldn't think of himself as the same as those who had been unable to leave unless they broke out.
"I'll do that."
He settled back into the couch and repositioned the wing as a blanket. He really hadn't expected to fall asleep again, but somehow he did.
This time he stayed asleep longer. But at one point there was a flash of light and suddenly he was laying there in a version of his Safer form, but with his legs and both arms intact and no giant halos in the way. The wings were purple in this version, most of them hanging all around his waist. The larger wing on his shoulder slipped away from his chest, followed by his right arm hanging off the couch to the floor. He was still sound asleep, apparently unaware that he had transformed in his sleep.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2024-11-04 03:18 am (UTC)Was there even much point trying to sleep more? He was exhausted, but dreaming about what he’d done was even more exhausting.
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Date: 2024-11-04 03:40 am (UTC)"There were times where, after remembering everything, I wondered if Zack could have handled all of this better than me."
He didn't know why he was saying that. It wasn't something that Cloud expressed out loud to anyone, really. Yet here was was, saying it now.
no subject
Date: 2024-11-04 03:54 am (UTC)"... You handled it well," he said. "A lesser person would have irreparably broke after everything that happened. Everything I did, to you and others.... Your strength ... fascinated me." And angered him. "I couldn't comprehend it for years." He wasn't sure he really did now, either.
Had it been Zack, would he have been able to get through to Sephiroth? Doubtful. He was too far gone, too swallowed up by Jenova and hatred and insanity. Zack hadn't been able to save him at Nibelheim.
Maybe if Sephiroth hadn't pushed him away then.... If he hadn't insisted on staying in that blasted library....
But it was useless to think about those things now.
no subject
Date: 2024-11-04 04:27 am (UTC)A lesser person, Sephiroth said. Cloud scoffed. "A stronger person wouldn't have been controlled so easily. They would've seen right through it."
What he didn't say was that a stronger person might have been able to save Aerith. Maybe a stronger person would have been able to stop Zack from running off and instead just. Run away from Midgar or find another way in.
"I was just. Angry. In Nibelheim anyway. My mother was done and I thought that Tifa was too. Then I saw Zack and I just saw red. Then after that I was still so mad but then I also just found things I wanted to protect. Maybe that's what you should find."
no subject
Date: 2024-11-04 04:38 am (UTC)He sighed. If only he had stopped himself from doing it when Cloud hadn't....
"Things to protect," he mused. "I ... want to protect the Planet instead of destroying it, but I hope there aren't any other serious dangers to worry about." There could be, though. He could be on guard for that, at least.
"... I could always try to keep people safe from monster attacks, I suppose." But they would probably be more afraid of him than the monsters. Perhaps ... if they didn't know it was him, then maybe it would work better....
no subject
Date: 2024-11-04 05:11 am (UTC)To protect the planet instead of destroying it. Cloud also hummed in thought at that. "Honestly, Shinra did more damage to it than you really did. Meteorfall shouldn't have happened, but because it did no one's using mako anymore."
Silver lining and all of that. That definitely wasn't what Jenovah wanted, but in a sense Meteor kind of forced everyone to really stop and think about the planet and the future. Something good did come out of it.
"Hojo had a lot of labs and places for different projects. Maybe the first step is actually finding them all. If things hadn't happened the way that they did... Would Zack, Vincent, and I have been found? How much time would have passed?"
no subject
Date: 2024-11-04 05:26 am (UTC)And he paused as he thought about that. "I would be more than happy to dismantle more of Hojo's labs," he said. "Maybe there's even other victims still alive in some of them." A horrifying thought. What would be happening to them? Nothing good for sure.
"... If you were still in the lab, I would have still been trying to destroy the Planet. And I might have succeeded." He shook his head. "Or maybe you really would have been found and things would have played out much the same. It's impossible to say. It's better not to ponder on those impossible What Ifs ... and yet it's so difficult not to think about them."
no subject
Date: 2024-11-05 04:43 am (UTC)Did Sephiroth really count? Cloud wasn't entirely sure of that. Sephiroth was alive now and he survived whatever Hojo put him through. However was he really caged? That was the part that Cloud didn't know. He wasn't sure he was ready to ask, to talk about a man that had screwed so many people over.
Besides, Sephiroth wasn't wrong. It was impossible to say how things might have played out. Dwelling on them didn't really do anyone any good.
"So think of that when you go back to sleep. Not about the 'what ifs,' but of chances to make things right."
no subject
Date: 2024-11-05 05:06 am (UTC)"I'll do that."
He settled back into the couch and repositioned the wing as a blanket. He really hadn't expected to fall asleep again, but somehow he did.
This time he stayed asleep longer. But at one point there was a flash of light and suddenly he was laying there in a version of his Safer form, but with his legs and both arms intact and no giant halos in the way. The wings were purple in this version, most of them hanging all around his waist. The larger wing on his shoulder slipped away from his chest, followed by his right arm hanging off the couch to the floor. He was still sound asleep, apparently unaware that he had transformed in his sleep.