Sephiroth definitely remembered more now. It was more and more horrible the more he remembered. But he was resigned to it by now.
"Probably not."
But could he ever see himself as human again? Right now it seemed almost impossible.
He looked to Cloud, thoughtful, pondering. "... Tifa won't be happy about this." Tifa would have to know, and then the others would have to know.... And if Cloud actually stood by him, would any of them reject Cloud? He hated to think of that. He wasn't worth Cloud losing his friends.
"Technically speaking... I'm not happy about it either," Cloud admitted. "It would be easier to just kill you and keep doing things like we're used to."
However, they don't have any answers right now. Cloud was a little uncertain what to do next if that was the case. Sephiroth would never not be a threat, unless he really was cleansed of his insanity and Jenovah all but purified by the planet itself.
His friends would be concerned, for sure. They would ask Cloud if he was in his right mind. He wouldn't know how to respond to it. Of course no one would reject him - they'd all come too far for that.
"We're going to find answers before anything," Cloud said instead. "Then I'll figure out what to say."
Where would they go to find something like that? Cloud wasn't someone that was able to just talk to the planet. He wasn't someone who would be able to find answers that way. There was a slight chance that if he sat still, in silence, maybe Aerith would speak to him again. However, Cloud was pretty sure that after the last time, it was also a goodbye.
There was one other option...
"Could always toss you into the Lifestream. See what it does."
But perhaps ... if they go to the Lifestream, would he be able to hear something himself? With all of his knowledge and power, it almost seems he should be able to. Or at least, it seems there might be a chance.
"If we go to the Lifestream, I might be able to communicate with it. I'm not an Ancient as I thought, but I still have all of my knowledge that I gained from the Lifestream."
"Just saying... One of your remnants actually did kill me and I was just spat back out."
Cloud shrugged. It was a surefire way to know if death would be accepted or not. Then again, when Reno visited the bar he liked to call Cloud the planet's "most special boy." Right before Cloud threw him out, of course.
What he wasn't able to deny, however, was the connection that Sephiroth now had with the planet. Sure, he wasn't an Ancient. Yet he found a way to gain some control over it. Unfortunately, it was their best lead.
"So we really just need to find a place where the Lifestream runs close to the planet's surface."
"I know," Sephiroth said. But he wasn't thrilled with the thought of testing it. As much as he hated himself now that he was sane, he was alive and rather wanted to stay that way. The Planet might not appreciate them deliberately toying with that.
"I can think of two places," he said. "The town where Tifa was taking care of you ... and the Northern Crater."
"Crater is out of the question," Cloud immediately shot back, eyes narrowed. Sephiroth would have expect that reaction. Though now Cloud knew that the man remembered everything.
Something about that didn't feel quite right. Cloud felt like there was at least one other location. Somewhere in the back of his memory was another place. Memories from his time being taken care of by Zack, back when he was still suffering from mako poisoning, but he recalled that Zack left him at some point.
"We'll start with Mideel," he answered. "Won't be able to get there by bike though."
Sephiroth nodded. He didn't really want to go back there either. Didn't want to face all that had happened there and all he had done there. Perhaps, even ... he was afraid to go back there, afraid that Jenova might get him again.
Another place.... Perhaps he would remember it too in time; some things were still a little fuzzy.
"We could go as far as we can by motorcycle and then ..." A bit of a smirk. "We could fly the rest of the way." He moved his wing a bit. Probably also out of the question, but it was an option. If they tried something else, like an airship, they'd have to bring other people in on what they were doing, surely. He wasn't a pilot.
It would be hard for Cloud to imagine that Sephiroth was capable of something like fear. The two simply didn't go together, as far as the blonde was concerned. At least he didn't have to argue over the location that they'd be heading in. Cloud was already flipping his phone open to type up a message to Tifa and the kids. He was just hoping that no one thought to ask him too much since he was going to check in.
Then his head shot up at the mention of flying. Augh. The scowl on Cloud's face and his eyeroll made it clear what he thought of that. Unfortunately -
He watched Cloud type, and he wasn't terribly surprised that Cloud did not like the thought of flying. But one way or another, they would probably have to fly part of the way there, either on wing or by airship.
"Very well," he said.
Finally he got out of the chair and moved to the couch instead. After dusting it off, he laid down on it. "We should rest. We'll have a long day tomorrow." He paused. "What are you telling Tifa about all this?" He wouldn't ask, except that it of course involved him.
Cloud was aware of the fact that they would need to fly. He knew that, but didn't have to like it at this point either. There was also just the simple fact that Cloud didn't want to think about the fact that he would have to put his life in Sephiroth's hands. Or, well. Wing in this case.
The other thing he didn't really want to think about was how Tifa and the others would react. This was something he was going to keep to himself. For now.
"Nothing yet. Right now I'm just saying that I picked up an extra errand."
Let them figure out the answers first. Then Cloud would tell Tifa and the others what was going on. They'd worry too much otherwise.
"More importantly, it sounds like something I would do."
At random, that was. Cloud, even to this day, found it hard to refuse the requests of others. If someone asked something of him, he would do his best to follow through. With as broken as the planet still was, it made sense that he would stop along the way to help someone out.
Now, Sephiroth was correct about something: the need to rest. Cloud now had a lot to think about and Sephiroth himself apparently needed time to recover. Granted, the blonde didn't think he was going to actually rest at all, but he would at least lean against a wall and close his eyes.
Cloud's compassion had often been, and still was, almost unbelievable to Sephiroth. The fact that Cloud could extend any to him, of all people, was staggering and humbling.
He looked over at Cloud. "You should at least sit down somewhere and try to sleep. We should start out tomorrow, if we can."
Hopefully by then he would feel up to the long journey to Mideel. He'd always had particularly high endurance, and that had increased after absorbing the knowledge of the Lifestream. But suddenly being purified of insanity and evil alien parasites' hold on his mind and left with the knowledge of everything horrible he'd done had taken a lot out of him.
Of course it went without saying that Cloud didn't necessarily want to extend any compassion to the man before him. There were a lot of people out there that had suffered because of this man and Jenovah. However, the Turks caused the Plate to fall and now they occasionally visited the bar ( don't think for a moment that Cloud didn't recognize the reason why Rude would come by as often as he did ). They were working to help rebuild the world, even Rufus. Cloud even asked if atonement was possible... And if it was something that was obtainable, then who was he to say who deserved that chance and who didn't?
One of his eyes opened, looking at Sephiroth telling him to sleep. Yeah, that wasn't likely going to happen any time soon. He didn't trust this enough to let his guard down completely.
"Last I checked, you're not my commanding officer anymore." Cloud huffed. "Don't worry about it."
Sephiroth would definitely understand that Cloud wouldn’t want to show him compassion even though he did. But that still made it amazing to him that he did anyway.
“Heh. Alright, Cloud. I won’t tell you what to do.” Sephiroth sighed, wondering if he would sleep either. He closed his eyes and tried to relax. If he did manage to sleep, he might just slip into nightmares.
((OOC: Do you want to timeskip to morning or keep going at night?))
(( ooc: can skip to morning unless you have something you want to play out at night ))
The nightmares would probably be a given. Even now, Cloud dealt with his own from time to time. He wasn't entirely prepared for Sephiroth to have them as well. However, if he did? Then Cloud would have to try to do something about them as well.
Wouldn't do for Sephiroth to, well. Become destructive in his sleep.
Sephiroth finally did fall asleep. That lasted for … probably not very long. It had been so long since he had actually slept…. His mind was definitely going overtime now that he was sleeping.
He awoke after a while with a gasp, staring at the ceiling, his wing flying out from around him again. He breathed heavily, trying to fully come back to the present situation. Then he just groaned, covering his face with a hand.
Really, Cloud was a light sleeper. Rather, that was what his sleeping had turned into the last few years. Thus when Sephiroth started to move around, Cloud was immediately awake. Tense. He was prepared for the worst case scenario...
Yet all he saw was a tired man waking from a nightmare. Likely reliving what had transpired the last few years. Who knew when that would finally stop. Maybe when Sephiroth came to terms with it and accepted what happened then the nightmares would fade. Never completely, but enough. Even if it wasn't really what he wanted to do, it was still his hand.
Cloud's eyes still watched him, slightly glowing in the darkness as those with mako usually do. "The fire?"
“It started with that. Then fighting Zack … and you…. And watching Meteor head for the Planet.” Sephiroth sighed. He missed Zack. Angeal and Genesis leaving had seemed the worst crisis possible. But it had got ever so much worse. Right now, remembering everything, he wondered if it could ever get better.
Was there even much point trying to sleep more? He was exhausted, but dreaming about what he’d done was even more exhausting.
Now there was something that they could both agree on. Missing Zack, that was. Cloud missed him a lot. In many aspects, Zack had been the first real friend that Cloud had. He and Tifa only really grew close in adulthood and in recent years. Zack was the first person that actually brought a smile to Cloud's face. Probably the only person that really got to see Cloud as he was.
"There were times where, after remembering everything, I wondered if Zack could have handled all of this better than me."
He didn't know why he was saying that. It wasn't something that Cloud expressed out loud to anyone, really. Yet here was was, saying it now.
Sephiroth blinked in surprise when Cloud spoke, and when he confessed such a thing to him of all people.
"... You handled it well," he said. "A lesser person would have irreparably broke after everything that happened. Everything I did, to you and others.... Your strength ... fascinated me." And angered him. "I couldn't comprehend it for years." He wasn't sure he really did now, either.
Had it been Zack, would he have been able to get through to Sephiroth? Doubtful. He was too far gone, too swallowed up by Jenova and hatred and insanity. Zack hadn't been able to save him at Nibelheim.
Maybe if Sephiroth hadn't pushed him away then.... If he hadn't insisted on staying in that blasted library....
But it was useless to think about those things now.
Look, he just. Understood what it was like to look back at everything you had done and wonder what went wrong. Cloud often "reflected" over the course of events and thought that, perhaps, there were things that could have went differently. Even if it was useless to think about those things, it didn't stop the thoughts from filtering in. They would always come and go. Cloud supposed that the key was not holding onto them for overly long.
A lesser person, Sephiroth said. Cloud scoffed. "A stronger person wouldn't have been controlled so easily. They would've seen right through it."
What he didn't say was that a stronger person might have been able to save Aerith. Maybe a stronger person would have been able to stop Zack from running off and instead just. Run away from Midgar or find another way in.
"I was just. Angry. In Nibelheim anyway. My mother was done and I thought that Tifa was too. Then I saw Zack and I just saw red. Then after that I was still so mad but then I also just found things I wanted to protect. Maybe that's what you should find."
"You stopped yourself from killing Aerith," Sephiroth said. Yes, Cloud had been controlled into giving up the Black Materia, but somehow he had broken Sephiroth's control when it came to committing murder.
He sighed. If only he had stopped himself from doing it when Cloud hadn't....
"Things to protect," he mused. "I ... want to protect the Planet instead of destroying it, but I hope there aren't any other serious dangers to worry about." There could be, though. He could be on guard for that, at least.
"... I could always try to keep people safe from monster attacks, I suppose." But they would probably be more afraid of him than the monsters. Perhaps ... if they didn't know it was him, then maybe it would work better....
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2024-10-19 09:55 pm (UTC)"Probably not."
But could he ever see himself as human again? Right now it seemed almost impossible.
He looked to Cloud, thoughtful, pondering. "... Tifa won't be happy about this." Tifa would have to know, and then the others would have to know.... And if Cloud actually stood by him, would any of them reject Cloud? He hated to think of that. He wasn't worth Cloud losing his friends.
no subject
Date: 2024-10-19 10:13 pm (UTC)However, they don't have any answers right now. Cloud was a little uncertain what to do next if that was the case. Sephiroth would never not be a threat, unless he really was cleansed of his insanity and Jenovah all but purified by the planet itself.
His friends would be concerned, for sure. They would ask Cloud if he was in his right mind. He wouldn't know how to respond to it. Of course no one would reject him - they'd all come too far for that.
"We're going to find answers before anything," Cloud said instead. "Then I'll figure out what to say."
And do.
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Date: 2024-10-19 10:29 pm (UTC)A smirk, a ghost of the insane Sephiroth. But it's gone again. Just a tired, wry smirk.
He's so used to betrayal that it's his first thought. He will probably find it shocking that it isn't something Cloud has to worry about.
"And how do you think we can find answers, Cloud? Where will we go for that?"
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Date: 2024-10-19 10:42 pm (UTC)There was one other option...
"Could always toss you into the Lifestream. See what it does."
no subject
Date: 2024-10-19 10:50 pm (UTC)"I'll pass."
But perhaps ... if they go to the Lifestream, would he be able to hear something himself? With all of his knowledge and power, it almost seems he should be able to. Or at least, it seems there might be a chance.
"If we go to the Lifestream, I might be able to communicate with it. I'm not an Ancient as I thought, but I still have all of my knowledge that I gained from the Lifestream."
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Date: 2024-10-19 10:58 pm (UTC)Cloud shrugged. It was a surefire way to know if death would be accepted or not. Then again, when Reno visited the bar he liked to call Cloud the planet's "most special boy." Right before Cloud threw him out, of course.
What he wasn't able to deny, however, was the connection that Sephiroth now had with the planet. Sure, he wasn't an Ancient. Yet he found a way to gain some control over it. Unfortunately, it was their best lead.
"So we really just need to find a place where the Lifestream runs close to the planet's surface."
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Date: 2024-10-19 11:05 pm (UTC)"I can think of two places," he said. "The town where Tifa was taking care of you ... and the Northern Crater."
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Date: 2024-10-19 11:22 pm (UTC)Something about that didn't feel quite right. Cloud felt like there was at least one other location. Somewhere in the back of his memory was another place. Memories from his time being taken care of by Zack, back when he was still suffering from mako poisoning, but he recalled that Zack left him at some point.
"We'll start with Mideel," he answered. "Won't be able to get there by bike though."
no subject
Date: 2024-10-19 11:29 pm (UTC)Another place.... Perhaps he would remember it too in time; some things were still a little fuzzy.
"We could go as far as we can by motorcycle and then ..." A bit of a smirk. "We could fly the rest of the way." He moved his wing a bit. Probably also out of the question, but it was an option. If they tried something else, like an airship, they'd have to bring other people in on what they were doing, surely. He wasn't a pilot.
apologies! long week was long and i lost track of time
Date: 2024-10-27 02:10 am (UTC)Then his head shot up at the mention of flying. Augh. The scowl on Cloud's face and his eyeroll made it clear what he thought of that. Unfortunately -
"We'll cross that bridge when we get there."
That's okay!
Date: 2024-10-27 02:28 am (UTC)He watched Cloud type, and he wasn't terribly surprised that Cloud did not like the thought of flying. But one way or another, they would probably have to fly part of the way there, either on wing or by airship.
"Very well," he said.
Finally he got out of the chair and moved to the couch instead. After dusting it off, he laid down on it. "We should rest. We'll have a long day tomorrow." He paused. "What are you telling Tifa about all this?" He wouldn't ask, except that it of course involved him.
no subject
Date: 2024-10-28 03:43 am (UTC)The other thing he didn't really want to think about was how Tifa and the others would react. This was something he was going to keep to himself. For now.
"Nothing yet. Right now I'm just saying that I picked up an extra errand."
Let them figure out the answers first. Then Cloud would tell Tifa and the others what was going on. They'd worry too much otherwise.
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Date: 2024-10-28 04:01 am (UTC)He smirks a bit. "That sounds innocuous enough."
He starts to lower his wing over himself as a blanket.
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Date: 2024-10-28 04:48 am (UTC)At random, that was. Cloud, even to this day, found it hard to refuse the requests of others. If someone asked something of him, he would do his best to follow through. With as broken as the planet still was, it made sense that he would stop along the way to help someone out.
Now, Sephiroth was correct about something: the need to rest. Cloud now had a lot to think about and Sephiroth himself apparently needed time to recover. Granted, the blonde didn't think he was going to actually rest at all, but he would at least lean against a wall and close his eyes.
no subject
Date: 2024-10-28 04:56 am (UTC)Cloud's compassion had often been, and still was, almost unbelievable to Sephiroth. The fact that Cloud could extend any to him, of all people, was staggering and humbling.
He looked over at Cloud. "You should at least sit down somewhere and try to sleep. We should start out tomorrow, if we can."
Hopefully by then he would feel up to the long journey to Mideel. He'd always had particularly high endurance, and that had increased after absorbing the knowledge of the Lifestream. But suddenly being purified of insanity and evil alien parasites' hold on his mind and left with the knowledge of everything horrible he'd done had taken a lot out of him.
no subject
Date: 2024-11-04 01:45 am (UTC)One of his eyes opened, looking at Sephiroth telling him to sleep. Yeah, that wasn't likely going to happen any time soon. He didn't trust this enough to let his guard down completely.
"Last I checked, you're not my commanding officer anymore." Cloud huffed. "Don't worry about it."
no subject
Date: 2024-11-04 01:55 am (UTC)“Heh. Alright, Cloud. I won’t tell you what to do.” Sephiroth sighed, wondering if he would sleep either. He closed his eyes and tried to relax. If he did manage to sleep, he might just slip into nightmares.
((OOC: Do you want to timeskip to morning or keep going at night?))
no subject
Date: 2024-11-04 02:17 am (UTC)The nightmares would probably be a given. Even now, Cloud dealt with his own from time to time. He wasn't entirely prepared for Sephiroth to have them as well. However, if he did? Then Cloud would have to try to do something about them as well.
Wouldn't do for Sephiroth to, well. Become destructive in his sleep.
no subject
Date: 2024-11-04 02:32 am (UTC)Sephiroth finally did fall asleep. That lasted for … probably not very long. It had been so long since he had actually slept…. His mind was definitely going overtime now that he was sleeping.
He awoke after a while with a gasp, staring at the ceiling, his wing flying out from around him again. He breathed heavily, trying to fully come back to the present situation. Then he just groaned, covering his face with a hand.
no subject
Date: 2024-11-04 03:03 am (UTC)Yet all he saw was a tired man waking from a nightmare. Likely reliving what had transpired the last few years. Who knew when that would finally stop. Maybe when Sephiroth came to terms with it and accepted what happened then the nightmares would fade. Never completely, but enough. Even if it wasn't really what he wanted to do, it was still his hand.
Cloud's eyes still watched him, slightly glowing in the darkness as those with mako usually do. "The fire?"
no subject
Date: 2024-11-04 03:18 am (UTC)Was there even much point trying to sleep more? He was exhausted, but dreaming about what he’d done was even more exhausting.
no subject
Date: 2024-11-04 03:40 am (UTC)"There were times where, after remembering everything, I wondered if Zack could have handled all of this better than me."
He didn't know why he was saying that. It wasn't something that Cloud expressed out loud to anyone, really. Yet here was was, saying it now.
no subject
Date: 2024-11-04 03:54 am (UTC)"... You handled it well," he said. "A lesser person would have irreparably broke after everything that happened. Everything I did, to you and others.... Your strength ... fascinated me." And angered him. "I couldn't comprehend it for years." He wasn't sure he really did now, either.
Had it been Zack, would he have been able to get through to Sephiroth? Doubtful. He was too far gone, too swallowed up by Jenova and hatred and insanity. Zack hadn't been able to save him at Nibelheim.
Maybe if Sephiroth hadn't pushed him away then.... If he hadn't insisted on staying in that blasted library....
But it was useless to think about those things now.
no subject
Date: 2024-11-04 04:27 am (UTC)A lesser person, Sephiroth said. Cloud scoffed. "A stronger person wouldn't have been controlled so easily. They would've seen right through it."
What he didn't say was that a stronger person might have been able to save Aerith. Maybe a stronger person would have been able to stop Zack from running off and instead just. Run away from Midgar or find another way in.
"I was just. Angry. In Nibelheim anyway. My mother was done and I thought that Tifa was too. Then I saw Zack and I just saw red. Then after that I was still so mad but then I also just found things I wanted to protect. Maybe that's what you should find."
no subject
Date: 2024-11-04 04:38 am (UTC)He sighed. If only he had stopped himself from doing it when Cloud hadn't....
"Things to protect," he mused. "I ... want to protect the Planet instead of destroying it, but I hope there aren't any other serious dangers to worry about." There could be, though. He could be on guard for that, at least.
"... I could always try to keep people safe from monster attacks, I suppose." But they would probably be more afraid of him than the monsters. Perhaps ... if they didn't know it was him, then maybe it would work better....
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