A few years ago, she couldn't have imagined she'd ever escape the dreary city of Midgar, with it's glowing mako, stench of oil and rust, and the countless souls living below the poverty limit. Folks that were so flat out broke that they indebted themselves to gamblers, house madams and petty crime bosses to put a single warm meal on the table.
Many things about Midgar were good, but those goods weren't fairly distributed. For as long as she could remember, she'd grown up in miserable privilege, being housed, fed and trained within the Shinra company, under the caveat that her loyalty to them was mandatory and absolute.
As a turk, she was proficient and competent. Perhaps because she felt she owed her employer so much. But even her heart, hardened by the terms of her contract and the content of her work, could not resist the honour and selflessness of a certain SOLDIER. The leniency she gave him later became a source of much anguish - plagued her as she wondered if she'd just captured him, or reported sightings of him like she was tasked to do, perhaps he'd still be here. He might not be free, but he'd be alive.
Was that wrong to wish for?
Most days, she had to admit that yeah, it was wrong. He would've been miserable and what is a life without freedom?
Lost in though, she was late to register the kid dashing out of the enclosure and it was the mother goat's distressed bleating that pushed Cissnei into delayed action. Dropping the latch to the gate down, she apologised to her goat before she ran off to follow the young escapee into the treeline by her little home.
A quaint little cabin, just on the other side of the slope where the Fairs live. She hadn't quite reached her dream of running a Chocobo ranch yet, but her three goats and six chickens was a start.
She followed the excited cries of the baby goat, only three months old and while not yet fully weaned, he was an adventurous creature, bursting with personality already. She muttered something to herself as she decided to struggle through some thick shrubbery, wet and slippery from last night's rainfall, but she knew she could cut off the runaway by going this way.
Upon coming out on the other side, however, she stumbled to a stop in her tracks when she saw the very familiar and imposing shape of a legend known across the land. But how could that be?
She could hear the baby goat in the distance but her body was temporarily frozen, her mind spinning wildly on it's axis as she grappled to decide what course of action to take. After steeling herself and finding some rehearsed strength in her spine, she assumed a neutral but cautious expression.
A handful of members from the Youth Coalition could be here in the matter of moments, should she enact a distress signal - but she hoped it wouldn't come to that.
"Sephiroth." Was he even real? She could've fallen and hit her head and this could all be a hallucination. "What are you doing here? How did you get here?"
Sephiroth had started to come out of his reverie at the animal sounds, wondering if someone's pet was going to cross his path or if he would need to intercept it and take it back home. Animals seemed to like him, strangely enough, although he wouldn't be surprised if they also would shy away from him now.
Just as everyone should....
The last thing he had expected was to encounter someone he knew here who wasn't Zack.
"Cissnei ... ? Of the Turks?"
He pushed away from the tree, awkward, not even sure what to think or say. How much did Cissnei know of what had happened during Meteor? Nibelheim? Did he need to apologize to her for all he'd done? Assure her that he wasn't here to cause trouble?
"... I ... came through a portal," he said honestly. "When I saw where I was, I stayed on for a few moments. I wanted to see ... where Zack had lived.... Perhaps ... I foolishly hoped I would see him...."
Zack.... His only true friend, as he saw it. Everyone else had either left or even compounded that with outright betrayal. Zack was the only one who had stayed, who had been loyal. And Sephiroth had repaid him by betraying him. He had lost his mind, it had completely shattered, but he couldn't see that as an excuse. And now that he was sane again, that was one of many things absolutely tearing his heart apart.
Subtly bracing, every trained muscle on high alert in case he pulled some sort of move, Cissnei regarded him with an expression both blank and concerned.
At his question if she is one of the turks, she was mildly surprised he remembered her name and her affiliation with one of Shinra's factions. Surveilling SOLDIERs, gathering intel, cleaning up messes. She didn't nod to confirm her identity, but she didn't object to it or deny it either.
Perhaps due to the knot in her stomach over the mention of Zack, her expression lets up a little and she shifted her weight to one leg, arms hanging idle but ready by her hips. Even after leaving the turks and starting a fresh new life here, she never went anywhere without a concealed weapon or two.
"A portal?" she was decidedly disinclined to speak about Zack just yet—the wound still too raw. A portal from where, she wondered with great concern. All intel pointed to him not likely to have survived what occurred at Nibelheim. And here he was, speaking of portals?
Could the Lifestream have...no. Surely not. But this couldn't all just be a trick, could it? He seemed entirely real. Entirely alive.
"How did you make it out of there?" she asked him bluntly. If this was the result of a dark op by Shinra, possibly faking and covering up the death of it's most legendary SOLDIER, then there was no pussyfooting around it. If he was indeed the actual man himself, and not some clone, then she was certain he'd know what place she was referring to.
Sephiroth was always good at observation and remembering things. Too good, really. Even when he tried to block things out, he remembered. He had tried even throwing his memories away when they had hurt too much, but then the gods of World B had taken everything from him, all of his memories, when they had wanted him to fight for them, and he hadn't stopped fighting for himself until he had reclaimed all that he had lost. Then he had kept everything again, not trying to cast aside part of himself. When sane again, he wasn't sure if he was grateful for that or not. But at the same time, he felt he had to remember, he couldn't allow himself to forget any of the horrible things he had done.
Or any that had been done to him....
"There?" He spoke vaguely. That could either mean Nibelheim or the Lifestream. Perhaps more likely the latter, if Cissnei knew at least all that had transpired at Nibelheim. She surely did. But ... the rest.... Did she know the rest?
"Which time?" He gave a wry, dark smirk. "If you mean the Lifestream, it has never been able to hold me. I have never let it."
I will ... never be a memory.
"I have died more than once, usually by Cloud's hand." Not always. "I always come back."
Her frowning lips parted minimally, as if she was considering forming a word or a thought, but not even a breath came out.
How could he have died more than once? When would Cloud have...?
Could Mako and Jenova injections be a factor as to why the Lifestream couldn't absorb him? Then what about Zack...?
And Genesis...?
Again, the baby goat bleated, high pitched, somewhere nearby and Cissnei began feeling the pressure of where her priorities lay.
"If you've come to demand information about Cloud...you're not going to get anything out of me." If she had just sealed her fate by denying him information about Cloud and his party, then so be it. She'd die honourably, an uncommon trait among turks, both current and former.
Sephiroth would insist it was his will more than anything else. And perhaps that was so, or at least, it was surely a factor.
He looked up at the sound of the goat, concerned about it again. There were so many monsters right outside Gongaga. It wasn't a safe place for an innocent animal to roam freely.
"I know where Cloud is," he said. He sighed, looking suddenly tired and sad and sorrowful. "I mean him no harm now. Nor you. But we should find that animal before it gets into the jungle."
The great Sephiroth, concerned about the fate of a small animal? He would have been, when sane. Not that anyone would have necessarily known that.
That certainly hadn't taken the sinister turn she was bracing for, even if he sounded more than a little ominous in claiming to know where Cloud is. If he did, then he already knew more than Cissnei.
Usually, the word of a SOLDIER was to be taken as the solemn truth - their training demanding about an equal amount of loyalty as a turk. So, with a for-the-time lack of evidence to to the contrary, Cissnei nodded at his prompt to find the goat.
Poor little thing, too adventurous for his own good.
"This way," came her ambivalent gesture of temporary trust. The steep slope to their left ended in a vernal pool. Perfect for a rambunctious kid to get his sillies out and splash around and scare the frogs. Sure enough, she spotted him down there, standing in the middle of the pool—not that deep for her or Sephiroth, but to a three month old goat, it was deep enough to distress him. Even his stomach was partially submerged—likely he'd been jumping around, playing, and gotten stuck in the soft bed of the water.
She looked around for a branch or something, but it seemed like her best option was just walk out there and pick him up.
"I'll go. You can—" was she about to instruct the Sephiroth to do something? Well, she'd started it, so she'd better finish, "—you can stay there and if he bolts your way, just... grab him? Gently?"
She began wading into the pool, aptly estimating the depth to be, at most around knee height for her. "Hey lil guy, what did ya think you were gonna get up to out here, huh? What did I tell you about chasing frogs? Ugh, don't gimme that look, your cuteness won't help you now," she said with a stern fondness, only earning an almost apologetic whine back from the animal.
When trying to lift him, she could hear the sopping vacuum that has a hold of his feet and she grunted as she had to reach into the pool and pull out the legs individually. Not surprisingly, the baby goat grew impatient and stressed—fretting and crying. With three legs free, he bucked away from Cissnei and made a run to get out of the pool, leaving the former turk wet, sweaty and frustrated.
He had seen Cloud right before ending up inside the portal, actually. He hadn't spoken with him, but had watched from a distance. He knew Cloud could never want anything to do with him despite his sanity. How could he, after all Sephiroth had done? He had been insane, but Sephiroth didn't and couldn't excuse himself. To him, it was thoroughly unforgivable. He couldn't imagine Cloud or anyone else would feel differently. So he had turned and quietly left, not sure what to do with himself, and had plunged into ...
Saving a goat?
He had followed Cissnei and then stood where she requested, not seeming to find it inappropriate for her to tell him what to do. After all, this was her area and she knew it, and she likely knew how to catch goats.
When the goat suddenly tried to get away again, Sephiroth snapped to attention and gently reached for him, at the same time bending down and trying to speak soothingly to him. Would he calm down enough for Sephiroth to be able to get him and hold on to him? Sephiroth wasn't sure. Animals were supposed to be able to sense people's true natures, after all. His presence should make the animal want to run even more.
She returned to the edge of the pool, her arms and legs stained with water, leaves and dirt. Light brown eyes blinked at the sight of Sephiroth, branded a madman, believed to be dead, standing very much alive in front of her, gingerly holding her baby goat in his arms.
The world just kept getting stranger, the older she got.
"Thank you..." she spoke, after a moment of silence. "I can take him from here." The small animal was her problem to begin with it and it was her own fault for letting him get away in the first place. She cooed at the much calmer kid, a little surprised that he wasn't freaking out over being held by a stranger.
Maybe something really had changed in Sephiroth?
Holding the goat and bouncing him softly, Cissnei glanced at the towering soldier before her. "Do you..." the question died on her lips and she started again, "Are you hungry or anything?"
It was reckless and as a former turk, she should've known better - but animals were always good indicators of someone's character and if she didn't trust his word, she trusted the instinct of a delicate baby animal.
Would she survive it? Maybe, maybe not.
Then again, perhaps offering some hospitality would better her chances. Redemption isn't something one can achieve alone. Someone has to reciprocate and extend some trust to go with that second chance, if it's going to work.
"I make probably the shittiest food in all of Gongaga, so you might be taking the bigger risk here," she attempted to joke to lighten the tension a little. Her stew might only be barely better than military rations, but she had improved since Cloud and his party came through here. The optimism that lingered after Aerith's gentle help had been a great resource for Cissnei to improve her talents in the kitchen. Every meal, she sent some thoughts to the Cetra and hoped she was okay out there.
Instead of the short-cut, Cissnei led them along the tried and trusted path and sooner rather than later, they reached the top of the incline and Cissnei's little homestead was within sight.
"How, uh... how long have you been...back?" It felt silly and surreal to ask but the question had been burning in the back of her head since he said he came out of a portal.
He does crack a smirk at the joke attempt. "Perhaps. But I've eaten some strange things out of necessity at times. I doubt yours is worse than that."
He appreciates the offer, even though he doesn't think he deserves the kindness at all. But it means a lot to him that she is willing to extend that much.
He follows, allowing himself to wonder how many times Zack traveled this path. Zack must have gone everywhere in such a small village, after all. What was his favorite spot?
"It's ... been a while," he admits. "After the last time I was abducted by gods from another realm, I just stayed on near the town of Edge."
A bizarre thing to say, but he doesn't seem to care. Talking of his atrocities would be much more difficult.
He might have been very correct in that. Her food was hardly poison - it was just often the soup base was a little thinner, or the veg were a little crunchy, or she forgot the spice that made the famous, distinctive flavour. Technically edible, just not a result that 100% matched the recipe.
Abducted by Gods? Okay. For all she knew, it was the acronym of some new extremist group, or sect that had popped up in the wake of the world post-Nibelheim incident. As a turk, she had seen some weird shit and put some pretty damn wild things in her reports - but after leaving that behind, the world just seemed even weirder. A little more magical and forgiving, but still weird.
"Edge, huh? Don't I've heard of that place. Is it far from Kalm? I haven't really been out east in a while. I came to Gongaga after the reactor exploded, initially just as part of the relief effort. Y'know, turk-guilt and all that, but...it became my home. Since then, I've been busy with the Youth Coalition here, keeping threats out and working on... well, you can see," she nodded her head toward the little enclosure where a mother goat is eager to be reunited with her little one. Next to it was a modest chicken coup and a water pump.
Sephiroth would probably like it alright. It would surely be better-tasting than anything Hojo had fed him.
Definitely a weird situation, made weirder by the fact that it had happened several times now. He was honestly tired of it.
"... Yes, Edge is near Kalm," he said carefully, wondering how much to reveal. Did she not know about Meteor for some reason? He had passed through a portal. Had Meteor not happened here? Or ... not happened here yet? There were so many possibilities.
He listened, nodding slowly. "I can see you must love it here, to put down such roots." He assumed she didn't have to live here, but fully chose to.
Probably a recent establishment, then, she figured and filed it away for later. Maybe Tseng could look it up.
"It's nice," she looked around and leaned against the gate a little, after letting the baby goat in to join his mother and father. Her thoughts drifted to the Fairs and how she failed their son. In her worst nightmares, he's out there, alone, surrounded, thinking nobody is coming for him. In dreams, the helicopter makes it there in time and they fly away into the sunset. She's not sure which is worse, the nightmare or the dream.
"The community here is great. I never imagined a place where someone like me would get such a warm welcome. I guess... people can surprise you." She looked over at Sephiroth, wondering if he might have a similar experience. Feeling unworthy everywhere, like the world is better without you, hoping there's a place out there that might still welcome you home.
"Hm. They know about your past employment and have still welcomed you?"
He does feel like that, all the time. The world in general, his world in specific (a person, not a place) ... everything and everyone would be better without him. He can't imagine anyone knowing everything he's done and still welcoming him. If Cissnei really doesn't know what happened after Nibelheim ... well, he can't imagine her being kind to him if she did.
Should he tell her? If this isn't his dimension, things might be playing out differently. If it's in the past, it still might play out the same. Or could the past be changed if he told?
"Ah..." she paused a little, realizing after the fact, that she may have been unclear. Her internal monologue and own self-reflections had bled out into the conversation, making it seem like everyone knew what she knew about herself. She shook her head.
"Not exactly. They know I'm from Midgar and that I have some vague military training or knowledge. I want to keep it that way." She looked squarely at Sephiroth to punctuate that intention. Her self-worth was left frail and crooked after everything she saw and did and knew as a turk. She may have been on the road to recover her value as a civilian, but she still had a long way to go before she felt like she could share the true nature of her past.
"I will do all I can to not give you away," he said. "But I may be recognized on sight and then they will realize we know each other somehow. Perhaps I should leave."
The last thing he wanted was to cause trouble when he didn't even mean to. By and large, Gaia didn't even know he was supposed to be dead. Some didn't even know it was his fault about Meteor. But many still remembered him and what he looked like.
The likelihood of someone connecting the dots wasn't improbable, but travellers weren't a too common sight around these parts. Maybe closer to town, where there'd be sights to see and work to be had, but out here, one wouldn't really wander to unless it was for a visit.
Cissnei didn't get visitors.
"You have time to get a warm meal in you," she assured him against her better judgement. He seemed fairly lucid and even-tempered, which was a good start and far more benign than the legacy that usually preceded the mention of his name in certain circles.
She led the way to the entrance of her woodsy cabin and lit a few lamps as she made her way toward the kitchen nook. In the hearth, a deep iron casserole sat at a bubbling simmer and Cissnei stirred it before going to the cupboard the get two bowls.
"Do you have any idea why the Lifestream wouldn't... hold you?" That was the word he'd used. Hold. Was he saying he could not be contained? I have never let it he said. Could willpower really influence the nature of the Lifestream? Was it a combination of everything? She grabbed three bread rolls, putting two in Sephiroth's bowl and the last one in her own. Carefully, she laid three scoops of stew in each bowl before setting them down on the table and nodding at Sephiroth to have a seat.
Her whole concept of how the Lifestream worked felt like it was being shifted off it's axis. It was a widely accepted fact that when life expired, it joined the Lifestream and was absorbed by it, returning to the planet. She and most others took that to mean as energy, as life-force. People didn't return to the planet...alive, did they? Then there'd be passed on loved ones walking all over.
Sephiroth had been a kind, thoughtful person when sane, even described as the perfect boss and having a gentleness about him. So different from both Shinra's propaganda and the tragic legacy of Nibelheim.
"I hope I will not cause you trouble," he said.
How curious for someone to choose to live so simply in a modern age. He looked around the cabin, almost feeling transported to another era.
Then he looked at the food with relish. He was definitely hungry. Everything looked and smelled wonderful to him. He sat down and carefully removed his gloves.
"I refused to be dead," he said. "I suppose I was the worst kind of restless spirit ... one who could actually do something about it. That is one effect of the Jenova cells, at least with me."
Cells that enabled life to continue, combined with Sephiroth's will, were quite a combination.
Maybe it was because she grew up around mostly other boys, rather wild and crude ones, but something about 'refusing to be dead' tickled that long buried Shinra-esque kind of boys-club talk nerve that Cissnei used to roll her eyes at. She smiled, mostly around the spoon, only the smallest of amused sounds making it out.
It was intriguing that he also believed the Jenova cells to be a contributing factor, but she wasn't sure she was ready to pick the scab off those wounds yet. Maybe some souls did find rest in there, even if they had Jenova cells in them.
"What was it like there?" Juvenile and naïve to ask, perhaps, but speaking to someone returned from the dead, essentially, wasn't exactly commonplace. She'd always regret it if she didn't.
It was a rather amusing thing to say, albeit true in his case.
He had seen people there with the cells who preferred to stay there, which was something he didn't really understand.
"It was ... very green," he deadpanned. "Sometimes white. I saw those who tried to convince the spirits to fully assimilate into the Lifestream and lose their individuality. Some finally agreed, while others did not. I wanted no part of that. I spent years forced to pretend to be what Shinra wanted me to be. I wasn't about to lose myself the rest of the way when I was finally free of them."
Green? It didn't sound too different from what she had already imagined, yet at the same time, it seemed almost alien or dream-like. Like something out of a strange fairytale or mythology. Her light brown eyes dropped from Sephiroth's face down to her bowl, as she idly moved the spoon around. He said he saw others there. Others, who? The question was burning so hot in her brain that it felt almost unbearable.
She, as a still living being, had no right to ask about what awaits after death.
Did she?
A more selfish part of her believed she did, but she'd seen where selfishness could take a person. The mad pursuit of one's own conviction. It was rarely a good place.
"Do you want to be alive forever?" she asked him, voice softening to shave some of the corners off her blunt question.
Sephiroth was still reluctant to reveal most of the details of what had been happening post-Nibelheim. Things might go differently in this realm and what had happened in his realm wouldn't apply. But ... if there was any chance things could be changed for the better by warning of it ... then didn't he owe it to Cloud and Aerith to try?
He pondered the question. "I don't know," he said. "I believe eventually immortality would be an exhausting burden, especially after there is no one left alive who even knew me. But ... I don't want to lose myself. Not again. I would only want to stay dead if I could retain who I am."
He had once said he did not fear death, for he had already seen Hell. And not the Hell of any mythical fire and brimstone, but his own personal Hell, experienced over years of loneliness and pain and anguish, and now that he was sane again, guilt and grief as well. He couldn't imagine the Hells of religion could be worse. But ... did he still think he didn't fear death? He had said that in another world, when he wasn't fully himself. And even then, his refusal to stay dead seemed to indicate a fear of it ... of being forgotten.
She nodded slowly, really taking in what he was saying. His reflection about the weight of immortality, seeing everyone you ever meet die and leave you alone to roam, all to avoid joining everyone in what is told to be a peaceful and meaningful existence in the Lifestream, merging with the very planet itself.
At least how Cissnei understood it. She could be wrong, but she kind of liked keeping that tiny flame of hope alive, that maybe it was as good a, if not better, existence.
Little comforts.
"Staying here, living while everyone else dies, they will lose their memories of you in the Lifestream anyway, and each new generation who lives alongside you will know you less and less. I don't know if there's a better option, or even a good option. Maybe all we can do is enjoy what we have while we have it."
She shrugged faintly, tearing off a piece of her bread roll and scooping up some stew with it. Her expression was pensive as she chewed, wondering about those she knew who had passed on - if they were restless or at peace.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2026-03-06 02:58 pm (UTC)Many things about Midgar were good, but those goods weren't fairly distributed. For as long as she could remember, she'd grown up in miserable privilege, being housed, fed and trained within the Shinra company, under the caveat that her loyalty to them was mandatory and absolute.
As a turk, she was proficient and competent. Perhaps because she felt she owed her employer so much. But even her heart, hardened by the terms of her contract and the content of her work, could not resist the honour and selflessness of a certain SOLDIER. The leniency she gave him later became a source of much anguish - plagued her as she wondered if she'd just captured him, or reported sightings of him like she was tasked to do, perhaps he'd still be here. He might not be free, but he'd be alive.
Was that wrong to wish for?
Most days, she had to admit that yeah, it was wrong. He would've been miserable and what is a life without freedom?
Lost in though, she was late to register the kid dashing out of the enclosure and it was the mother goat's distressed bleating that pushed Cissnei into delayed action. Dropping the latch to the gate down, she apologised to her goat before she ran off to follow the young escapee into the treeline by her little home.
A quaint little cabin, just on the other side of the slope where the Fairs live. She hadn't quite reached her dream of running a Chocobo ranch yet, but her three goats and six chickens was a start.
She followed the excited cries of the baby goat, only three months old and while not yet fully weaned, he was an adventurous creature, bursting with personality already. She muttered something to herself as she decided to struggle through some thick shrubbery, wet and slippery from last night's rainfall, but she knew she could cut off the runaway by going this way.
Upon coming out on the other side, however, she stumbled to a stop in her tracks when she saw the very familiar and imposing shape of a legend known across the land. But how could that be?
She could hear the baby goat in the distance but her body was temporarily frozen, her mind spinning wildly on it's axis as she grappled to decide what course of action to take. After steeling herself and finding some rehearsed strength in her spine, she assumed a neutral but cautious expression.
A handful of members from the Youth Coalition could be here in the matter of moments, should she enact a distress signal - but she hoped it wouldn't come to that.
"Sephiroth." Was he even real? She could've fallen and hit her head and this could all be a hallucination. "What are you doing here? How did you get here?"
no subject
Date: 2026-03-06 08:54 pm (UTC)Just as everyone should....
The last thing he had expected was to encounter someone he knew here who wasn't Zack.
"Cissnei ... ? Of the Turks?"
He pushed away from the tree, awkward, not even sure what to think or say. How much did Cissnei know of what had happened during Meteor? Nibelheim? Did he need to apologize to her for all he'd done? Assure her that he wasn't here to cause trouble?
"... I ... came through a portal," he said honestly. "When I saw where I was, I stayed on for a few moments. I wanted to see ... where Zack had lived.... Perhaps ... I foolishly hoped I would see him...."
Zack.... His only true friend, as he saw it. Everyone else had either left or even compounded that with outright betrayal. Zack was the only one who had stayed, who had been loyal. And Sephiroth had repaid him by betraying him. He had lost his mind, it had completely shattered, but he couldn't see that as an excuse. And now that he was sane again, that was one of many things absolutely tearing his heart apart.
no subject
Date: 2026-03-06 10:37 pm (UTC)At his question if she is one of the turks, she was mildly surprised he remembered her name and her affiliation with one of Shinra's factions. Surveilling SOLDIERs, gathering intel, cleaning up messes. She didn't nod to confirm her identity, but she didn't object to it or deny it either.
Perhaps due to the knot in her stomach over the mention of Zack, her expression lets up a little and she shifted her weight to one leg, arms hanging idle but ready by her hips. Even after leaving the turks and starting a fresh new life here, she never went anywhere without a concealed weapon or two.
"A portal?" she was decidedly disinclined to speak about Zack just yet—the wound still too raw. A portal from where, she wondered with great concern. All intel pointed to him not likely to have survived what occurred at Nibelheim. And here he was, speaking of portals?
Could the Lifestream have...no. Surely not. But this couldn't all just be a trick, could it? He seemed entirely real. Entirely alive.
"How did you make it out of there?" she asked him bluntly. If this was the result of a dark op by Shinra, possibly faking and covering up the death of it's most legendary SOLDIER, then there was no pussyfooting around it. If he was indeed the actual man himself, and not some clone, then she was certain he'd know what place she was referring to.
no subject
Date: 2026-03-06 10:46 pm (UTC)Or any that had been done to him....
"There?" He spoke vaguely. That could either mean Nibelheim or the Lifestream. Perhaps more likely the latter, if Cissnei knew at least all that had transpired at Nibelheim. She surely did. But ... the rest.... Did she know the rest?
"Which time?" He gave a wry, dark smirk. "If you mean the Lifestream, it has never been able to hold me. I have never let it."
I will ... never be a memory.
"I have died more than once, usually by Cloud's hand." Not always. "I always come back."
no subject
Date: 2026-03-07 10:34 am (UTC)How could he have died more than once? When would Cloud have...?
Could Mako and Jenova injections be a factor as to why the Lifestream couldn't absorb him? Then what about Zack...?
And Genesis...?
Again, the baby goat bleated, high pitched, somewhere nearby and Cissnei began feeling the pressure of where her priorities lay.
"If you've come to demand information about Cloud...you're not going to get anything out of me." If she had just sealed her fate by denying him information about Cloud and his party, then so be it. She'd die honourably, an uncommon trait among turks, both current and former.
no subject
Date: 2026-03-07 10:42 am (UTC)He looked up at the sound of the goat, concerned about it again. There were so many monsters right outside Gongaga. It wasn't a safe place for an innocent animal to roam freely.
"I know where Cloud is," he said. He sighed, looking suddenly tired and sad and sorrowful. "I mean him no harm now. Nor you. But we should find that animal before it gets into the jungle."
The great Sephiroth, concerned about the fate of a small animal? He would have been, when sane. Not that anyone would have necessarily known that.
no subject
Date: 2026-03-07 11:53 am (UTC)That certainly hadn't taken the sinister turn she was bracing for, even if he sounded more than a little ominous in claiming to know where Cloud is. If he did, then he already knew more than Cissnei.
Usually, the word of a SOLDIER was to be taken as the solemn truth - their training demanding about an equal amount of loyalty as a turk. So, with a for-the-time lack of evidence to to the contrary, Cissnei nodded at his prompt to find the goat.
Poor little thing, too adventurous for his own good.
"This way," came her ambivalent gesture of temporary trust. The steep slope to their left ended in a vernal pool. Perfect for a rambunctious kid to get his sillies out and splash around and scare the frogs. Sure enough, she spotted him down there, standing in the middle of the pool—not that deep for her or Sephiroth, but to a three month old goat, it was deep enough to distress him. Even his stomach was partially submerged—likely he'd been jumping around, playing, and gotten stuck in the soft bed of the water.
She looked around for a branch or something, but it seemed like her best option was just walk out there and pick him up.
"I'll go. You can—" was she about to instruct the Sephiroth to do something? Well, she'd started it, so she'd better finish, "—you can stay there and if he bolts your way, just... grab him? Gently?"
She began wading into the pool, aptly estimating the depth to be, at most around knee height for her. "Hey lil guy, what did ya think you were gonna get up to out here, huh? What did I tell you about chasing frogs? Ugh, don't gimme that look, your cuteness won't help you now," she said with a stern fondness, only earning an almost apologetic whine back from the animal.
When trying to lift him, she could hear the sopping vacuum that has a hold of his feet and she grunted as she had to reach into the pool and pull out the legs individually. Not surprisingly, the baby goat grew impatient and stressed—fretting and crying. With three legs free, he bucked away from Cissnei and made a run to get out of the pool, leaving the former turk wet, sweaty and frustrated.
"Please grab him!"
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Date: 2026-03-07 09:58 pm (UTC)Saving a goat?
He had followed Cissnei and then stood where she requested, not seeming to find it inappropriate for her to tell him what to do. After all, this was her area and she knew it, and she likely knew how to catch goats.
When the goat suddenly tried to get away again, Sephiroth snapped to attention and gently reached for him, at the same time bending down and trying to speak soothingly to him. Would he calm down enough for Sephiroth to be able to get him and hold on to him? Sephiroth wasn't sure. Animals were supposed to be able to sense people's true natures, after all. His presence should make the animal want to run even more.
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Date: 2026-03-08 11:50 am (UTC)The world just kept getting stranger, the older she got.
"Thank you..." she spoke, after a moment of silence. "I can take him from here." The small animal was her problem to begin with it and it was her own fault for letting him get away in the first place. She cooed at the much calmer kid, a little surprised that he wasn't freaking out over being held by a stranger.
Maybe something really had changed in Sephiroth?
Holding the goat and bouncing him softly, Cissnei glanced at the towering soldier before her. "Do you..." the question died on her lips and she started again, "Are you hungry or anything?"
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Date: 2026-03-08 03:24 pm (UTC)Or maybe it was the first step on the road to healing.
He nodded, holding the goat out for her to take.
"I ... suppose it has been a long time since I ate," he said awkwardly at the question. "I wouldn't want to impose...."
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Date: 2026-03-08 04:25 pm (UTC)Would she survive it? Maybe, maybe not.
Then again, perhaps offering some hospitality would better her chances. Redemption isn't something one can achieve alone. Someone has to reciprocate and extend some trust to go with that second chance, if it's going to work.
"I make probably the shittiest food in all of Gongaga, so you might be taking the bigger risk here," she attempted to joke to lighten the tension a little. Her stew might only be barely better than military rations, but she had improved since Cloud and his party came through here. The optimism that lingered after Aerith's gentle help had been a great resource for Cissnei to improve her talents in the kitchen. Every meal, she sent some thoughts to the Cetra and hoped she was okay out there.
Instead of the short-cut, Cissnei led them along the tried and trusted path and sooner rather than later, they reached the top of the incline and Cissnei's little homestead was within sight.
"How, uh... how long have you been...back?" It felt silly and surreal to ask but the question had been burning in the back of her head since he said he came out of a portal.
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Date: 2026-03-08 07:17 pm (UTC)He appreciates the offer, even though he doesn't think he deserves the kindness at all. But it means a lot to him that she is willing to extend that much.
He follows, allowing himself to wonder how many times Zack traveled this path. Zack must have gone everywhere in such a small village, after all. What was his favorite spot?
"It's ... been a while," he admits. "After the last time I was abducted by gods from another realm, I just stayed on near the town of Edge."
A bizarre thing to say, but he doesn't seem to care. Talking of his atrocities would be much more difficult.
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Date: 2026-03-09 09:57 am (UTC)Abducted by Gods? Okay. For all she knew, it was the acronym of some new extremist group, or sect that had popped up in the wake of the world post-Nibelheim incident. As a turk, she had seen some weird shit and put some pretty damn wild things in her reports - but after leaving that behind, the world just seemed even weirder. A little more magical and forgiving, but still weird.
"Edge, huh? Don't I've heard of that place. Is it far from Kalm? I haven't really been out east in a while. I came to Gongaga after the reactor exploded, initially just as part of the relief effort. Y'know, turk-guilt and all that, but...it became my home. Since then, I've been busy with the Youth Coalition here, keeping threats out and working on... well, you can see," she nodded her head toward the little enclosure where a mother goat is eager to be reunited with her little one. Next to it was a modest chicken coup and a water pump.
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Date: 2026-03-09 10:21 am (UTC)Definitely a weird situation, made weirder by the fact that it had happened several times now. He was honestly tired of it.
"... Yes, Edge is near Kalm," he said carefully, wondering how much to reveal. Did she not know about Meteor for some reason? He had passed through a portal. Had Meteor not happened here? Or ... not happened here yet? There were so many possibilities.
He listened, nodding slowly. "I can see you must love it here, to put down such roots." He assumed she didn't have to live here, but fully chose to.
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Date: 2026-03-09 10:44 am (UTC)"It's nice," she looked around and leaned against the gate a little, after letting the baby goat in to join his mother and father. Her thoughts drifted to the Fairs and how she failed their son. In her worst nightmares, he's out there, alone, surrounded, thinking nobody is coming for him. In dreams, the helicopter makes it there in time and they fly away into the sunset. She's not sure which is worse, the nightmare or the dream.
"The community here is great. I never imagined a place where someone like me would get such a warm welcome. I guess... people can surprise you." She looked over at Sephiroth, wondering if he might have a similar experience. Feeling unworthy everywhere, like the world is better without you, hoping there's a place out there that might still welcome you home.
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Date: 2026-03-09 10:57 am (UTC)He does feel like that, all the time. The world in general, his world in specific (a person, not a place) ... everything and everyone would be better without him. He can't imagine anyone knowing everything he's done and still welcoming him. If Cissnei really doesn't know what happened after Nibelheim ... well, he can't imagine her being kind to him if she did.
Should he tell her? If this isn't his dimension, things might be playing out differently. If it's in the past, it still might play out the same. Or could the past be changed if he told?
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Date: 2026-03-09 12:47 pm (UTC)"Not exactly. They know I'm from Midgar and that I have some vague military training or knowledge. I want to keep it that way." She looked squarely at Sephiroth to punctuate that intention. Her self-worth was left frail and crooked after everything she saw and did and knew as a turk. She may have been on the road to recover her value as a civilian, but she still had a long way to go before she felt like she could share the true nature of her past.
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Date: 2026-03-09 02:49 pm (UTC)"I will do all I can to not give you away," he said. "But I may be recognized on sight and then they will realize we know each other somehow. Perhaps I should leave."
The last thing he wanted was to cause trouble when he didn't even mean to. By and large, Gaia didn't even know he was supposed to be dead. Some didn't even know it was his fault about Meteor. But many still remembered him and what he looked like.
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Date: 2026-03-09 04:06 pm (UTC)Cissnei didn't get visitors.
"You have time to get a warm meal in you," she assured him against her better judgement. He seemed fairly lucid and even-tempered, which was a good start and far more benign than the legacy that usually preceded the mention of his name in certain circles.
She led the way to the entrance of her woodsy cabin and lit a few lamps as she made her way toward the kitchen nook. In the hearth, a deep iron casserole sat at a bubbling simmer and Cissnei stirred it before going to the cupboard the get two bowls.
"Do you have any idea why the Lifestream wouldn't... hold you?" That was the word he'd used. Hold. Was he saying he could not be contained? I have never let it he said. Could willpower really influence the nature of the Lifestream? Was it a combination of everything? She grabbed three bread rolls, putting two in Sephiroth's bowl and the last one in her own. Carefully, she laid three scoops of stew in each bowl before setting them down on the table and nodding at Sephiroth to have a seat.
Her whole concept of how the Lifestream worked felt like it was being shifted off it's axis. It was a widely accepted fact that when life expired, it joined the Lifestream and was absorbed by it, returning to the planet. She and most others took that to mean as energy, as life-force. People didn't return to the planet...alive, did they? Then there'd be passed on loved ones walking all over.
No, there had to be some other explanation.
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Date: 2026-03-09 07:30 pm (UTC)"I hope I will not cause you trouble," he said.
How curious for someone to choose to live so simply in a modern age. He looked around the cabin, almost feeling transported to another era.
Then he looked at the food with relish. He was definitely hungry. Everything looked and smelled wonderful to him. He sat down and carefully removed his gloves.
"I refused to be dead," he said. "I suppose I was the worst kind of restless spirit ... one who could actually do something about it. That is one effect of the Jenova cells, at least with me."
Cells that enabled life to continue, combined with Sephiroth's will, were quite a combination.
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Date: 2026-03-09 09:12 pm (UTC)It was intriguing that he also believed the Jenova cells to be a contributing factor, but she wasn't sure she was ready to pick the scab off those wounds yet. Maybe some souls did find rest in there, even if they had Jenova cells in them.
"What was it like there?" Juvenile and naïve to ask, perhaps, but speaking to someone returned from the dead, essentially, wasn't exactly commonplace. She'd always regret it if she didn't.
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Date: 2026-03-09 09:19 pm (UTC)He had seen people there with the cells who preferred to stay there, which was something he didn't really understand.
"It was ... very green," he deadpanned. "Sometimes white. I saw those who tried to convince the spirits to fully assimilate into the Lifestream and lose their individuality. Some finally agreed, while others did not. I wanted no part of that. I spent years forced to pretend to be what Shinra wanted me to be. I wasn't about to lose myself the rest of the way when I was finally free of them."
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Date: 2026-03-12 09:35 am (UTC)She, as a still living being, had no right to ask about what awaits after death.
Did she?
A more selfish part of her believed she did, but she'd seen where selfishness could take a person. The mad pursuit of one's own conviction. It was rarely a good place.
"Do you want to be alive forever?" she asked him, voice softening to shave some of the corners off her blunt question.
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Date: 2026-03-12 09:50 am (UTC)He pondered the question. "I don't know," he said. "I believe eventually immortality would be an exhausting burden, especially after there is no one left alive who even knew me. But ... I don't want to lose myself. Not again. I would only want to stay dead if I could retain who I am."
He had once said he did not fear death, for he had already seen Hell. And not the Hell of any mythical fire and brimstone, but his own personal Hell, experienced over years of loneliness and pain and anguish, and now that he was sane again, guilt and grief as well. He couldn't imagine the Hells of religion could be worse. But ... did he still think he didn't fear death? He had said that in another world, when he wasn't fully himself. And even then, his refusal to stay dead seemed to indicate a fear of it ... of being forgotten.
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Date: 2026-03-12 10:13 am (UTC)At least how Cissnei understood it. She could be wrong, but she kind of liked keeping that tiny flame of hope alive, that maybe it was as good a, if not better, existence.
Little comforts.
"Staying here, living while everyone else dies, they will lose their memories of you in the Lifestream anyway, and each new generation who lives alongside you will know you less and less. I don't know if there's a better option, or even a good option. Maybe all we can do is enjoy what we have while we have it."
She shrugged faintly, tearing off a piece of her bread roll and scooping up some stew with it. Her expression was pensive as she chewed, wondering about those she knew who had passed on - if they were restless or at peace.
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