Sephiroth finally looked up at the screech of brakes. He didn't bother brushing his bangs out of his eyes; he could sense it was Cloud there, even before he spoke.
"Cloud ... I ... I'm so sorry...."
It wasn't good enough. No apology could ever begin to make up for everything he had done at Nibelheim. How was Cloud even well enough to ride a motorcycle after how Sephiroth had wounded him? He looked physically fine. That didn't make sense.
"Why aren't you wounded?"
He stumbled again. He was right on the edge of the hill he had come up. He could so easily slip and fall backwards any moment.
What didn't make sense here was that Cloud was seeing Sephiroth yet again. It wasn't really all that long so how did he pull himself together so fast? What was he even doing here, saying he's what? Sorry? Sorry for what? What sort of scheme was the man even -
If anything, the grip on his blade tightened and Cloud stood his ground. Something was off, sure, but he couldn't be certain what follow.
"Whatever you're planning, it's not going to work."
Though Cloud hadn't encountered Sephiroth this out of sorts. He always seemed to be composed. Put together. This was more like what had happened before -
"I'm not planning anything. I've already burned everything. I ..." He shook his head. "They're all dead! Everything's in flames.... But ... you're not wounded.... What about Zack? What happened to Zack?"
He finally fell to his knees, shaking, staring at his hands.
"Is he dead too? Did I kill him? I remember we fought, but ... I never wanted to hurt Zack.... What happened to me? Why did I do it? Why did I do any of it?!"
Did the Sephiroth that Cloud had come to know and fight multiple times have the capacity to act to this degree? Was he able to toss dignity and pride aside like this and just... Fall to knees in this manner? Cloud, despite all of the anger that still lingered within him, was starting to think that this was genuine. Whatever "this" was, of course. Part of him wanted to yell that Sephiroth knew, exactly, what had happened to Zack. What had happened to them all.
Another part wanted to goad him. Demand that he ask Jenovah those questions just because Cloud figured she would answer. As if she was anything more than a parasite that needed to feed and latch onto the one creature she could. No matter what, Cloud would keep in mind that Jenovah would continue to be a threat - one that lingered in the back of the man in front of him's mind.
What Cloud realized, however, was that Sephiroth, regardless of his state, was still a danger. Him having some sort of breakdown in the middle of the road didn't change that and anyone else that could potentially pass by would also be in danger.
"Shinra happened to Zack," he bit out, still cold in his tone even if he stepped out of a battle stance. The grip on his blade was still tight but Cloud was drawing near. "I swear if you're playing with me, I'll toss you right back into the Lifestream."
"Shinra ..." Sephiroth brought a hand to his head again. He didn't remember. What was going on? Why didn't he remember? Why did Cloud seem to be perfectly alright? Where was Zack?
He unfurled his wing without warning. He didn't even seem to realize he had done it, but now it was stretched out against the sky while he continued to try to comprehend what he was being told and could not seem to grasp it.
"I don't understand. I don't know what's happened. The last thing I remember is ... falling. You threw me into the reactor...."
He stared at his hands again. "Am I dead? I don't feel dead. But ... how could I be alive? Why would I be allowed to live after what I did?"
This was... Hard to swallow. As Cloud continued to watch this, he tensed upon seeing the wing. For a brief moment he thought that, perhaps, Sephiroth had enough of this game and was just going to stand up and give Cloud that eerie, distant smile. Instead Cloud is being met with a man that was showing far too much emotion than what he was accustomed to. Augh. It was actually starting to convince him that maybe something did happen.
"You really don't remember why everything happened at Nibelheim?"
Why would I be allowed to live after what I did... That was like a punch to the gut. Cloud often wondered why he was allowed to live after everything he allowed to happen. After everything he failed to stop, after he failed to protect people dear to him. Right now Sephiroth seemed actually torn at the prospect and it was catching Cloud off guard.
This was also quickly becoming awkward. Cloud didn't know what to do with a Sephiroth that wasn't hellbent on removing all life from the planet. What was he supposed to do with the man if he suddenly regained some semblance of humanity?
"Middle of the road isn't the place to talk about it. Get up."
"Why? ... I lost my mind. I had to have lost my mind, didn't I? I wouldn't ... do that. I'd never do that.... I was supposed to protect. They trusted me and I ..."
Sephiroth started to curl the wing around himself, but stopped at Cloud's next words. "... Road?" Oh yes, the motorcycle.... They were on the road.... Strange no one else had come by....
He slowly stumbled up and lost his balance, pitching forward towards Cloud instead of backwards off the hill.
People he was supposed to protect? What a far cry from the words that Cloud had long grown accustomed to hearing. He still didn't know what to think, but out of everyone... At least it was Cloud that had found him. Then again, who else could it have been...
"Get it together," he huffed, though whether or not the comment was aimed at Sephiroth or himself was questionable. Up for interpretation as he turned slightly. Cloud wasn't about to trust the other to ride on the bike with him.
Then there was movement and Cloud whirled around, immediately on the defensive. Yet there wasn't an attack, but the body of a much larger man stumbling and tumbling forward. Unfortunately, despite his rough edges, Cloud's initial instinct is to catch, not step back.
At the very least Cloud was sturdy enough to hold their combined weight. If he were still his sixteen year old self? That would have been impossible. Unfortunately, the addition of the wing didn't really help much. Almost threw Cloud off balance.
"No, you shouldn't," he replied, forcing himself to be rational and not driven by emotion. "But like hell I'd let you out of my sight."
That part wasn't an option. So even if the other man managed to get himself upright and away from Cloud? Cloud wasn't going to let him leave and the blonde wasn't going to leave himself. Against his better judgement, Cloud's gut twisting in uncertainty.
Sephiroth blinked again and looked to the motorcycle. He did not know how he would successfully ride on that right now. And he didn't want to bother Cloud either. He just wanted to get away....
"No.... I won't bother you any more. I'll go...."
He spread his wing and tried to take off, but he was too dizzy. He just stumbled to the side and ended up draped on Fenrir. Shakily he tried to sit up and failed. This was ... not good.
They were, unfortunately in Cloud’s opinion, linked. As long as Cloud remained alive, Sephiroth would always have some sort of tether. Back when he was just a Trooper working with Tseng and Zack on a mission, he didn’t understand the issue with Hollander and Genesis. There were parts that Cloud still didn’t fully comprehend. What he did know was that Hojo tried to do something similar.
Regardless, Cloud wasn’t about to let Sephiroth just go. So it was with some gross relief when he saw the other practically incapable of movement. That would potentially just make it easier. More disturbing, but easier.
“Doesn’t look like you can go anywhere,” he pointed out. “Being a recluse was part of the problem. Now I’m gonna get on the bike and you’re going to get on behind me. Try anything funny and…”
"... What do you think I would try to do, Cloud?" he mumbled as he finally managed to sit up on the bike. If he was insane, that would likely come across as one of his rather creepy comments. But in this state, that probably wasn't how he meant it.
But he would need to put his arms around Cloud for proper balance and safety. That would most certainly be awkward no matter what was going through his mind.
The tone in which Sephiroth spoke was entirely different. If it was like before, it would have been creepy. Yet with it lacking that quality, to Cloud it sounded more tired than anything else. He still tensed even knowing there would be arms going around him. That only made sense, since Sephiroth wasn't even able to stand upright or do much more than wobble.
"Probably stab me. Again," he murmured in return, taking a breath to steady himself.
Then he kicked off, going as fast as he could on his bike. Cloud went off-road, deciding that was the far better option than sticking to where people would be able to see. Who wouldn't potentially realize this was Sephiroth on sight? Cloud wasn't going to take the chance. There were plenty of abandoned places and spaces anyway. The blonde was going to find one for the both of them to just camp out. Literally speaking.
"I won't," he mumbled. He had enough presence of mind to hold onto Cloud as they rode, but lapsed into silence. He was probably still conscious or he would fall even heavier against Cloud. The wing was still out, loose feathers blowing about as they rode.
Soon they would probably come to some vacant houses that would work. And it was likely just in time, as Sephiroth did act like he might be heading for losing consciousness.
That would would probably remain more than a little creepy. It represented something far more sinister, to Cloud at least, than what Sephiroth was more than aware of. By now, Cloud was thinking that Sephiroth was being genuine. His memory was actually that hazy and something was, certainly, not "right." Then again, what defined 'right' in this situation?
A vacant house was exactly what was needed. Cloud pulled up to it, coming to a stop. The other man felt heavier against his back and it was... Uncomfortable.
"Sit up," Cloud demanded. "Need to get off of the bike and inside."
Then, if Sephiroth needed, he would be able to collapse. Cloud figured that he would probably have to assist in that too.
Sephiroth isn't even fully aware it's out. He sort of is and sort of isn't.
He pushes himself up more, struggling to hold himself upright and try to climb off the bike. Instead, he gets tangled up with it and his coat and is pitching off to the ground. So different from his normal grace and strength in movement. He grabs desperately for something to hold onto, which will probably be Cloud.
Oh it was definitely Cloud that Sephiroth had landed against. Again. At least he had managed to get off of his bike before finding himself having arms full of barely coherent and conscious grown ass man. Cloud was almost weirded out at this point, knowing that this was not how the man usually operated. This was not their usual song and dance. Rather this was completely uncharted territory and Cloud was struggling to navigate it.
It was taking all of the strength that he had to just make sure that they didn't tip over at first.
"Oh for the love of..."
He was going to have to handle this himself. Cloud would have to shift the much bigger man around. Get under an arm while draping it across Cloud's own shoulders. The blonde then moved inside of the building, nudging open the door with a foot before kicking it closed with a heel. From there he proceeded to move into what probably was a living room at some point. It was dusty and not the cleanest but it wasn't as though they had options. So he had to drop Sephiroth onto a chair that was too small for the man.
Sephiroth stumbles, somehow managing to stay upright while Cloud is trying so hard to help him. It's a relief to collapse into the chair, small or not, and he slumps back with a groan, his wing sweeping out behind him and probably stirring up a ton of dust. World's largest feather duster.
"Ugh.... I'm sorry...." He holds a hand to his head. "I don't know what happened to me.... As soon as I'm well again, I'll leave. I won't bother you again, Cloud...."
Are a few more memories coming back? It's hard to say.
All of this was so unsettling. It made Cloud scoff and look off to the side. "Just stop. Stop saying you're sorry. No matter how much you say it, it won't change what happened."
Of course it was also uncomfortable for another reason. It sounded too much like himself, when he was at his worst. When Cloud would spend countless hours in the church, begging for forgiveness. He distanced himself from everyone for such a long time because of the guilt that was eating him alive from the inside out.
"I already said that I'm not letting you out of my sight so stop."
Sephiroth is silent for a long time. “I know,” he says at last. “I can never make up for what I did.” He won’t excuse himself because he was insane. For him, that’s not any excuse.
“… And what will you do with me, Cloud? We can’t stay here forever.”
Clouded wanted to answer that silence. He wanted to bite out a 'of course you can't.' Why would someone like Sephiroth be forgiven? What sort of amends would he be capable of and would it ever be enough? However, the truth was -
"I'm not the one that can decide that."
Since it was the planet itself that Sephiroth had wronged. The very balance of life and death. Cloud wasn't so arrogant as to think that he could speak on the behalf of that. As angry as the man in front of him made Cloud, as much as he wanted Sephiroth to actually pay? It was easier to hold onto that when he was the egomaniac and not appearing more and more like the General that Cloud had looked up to at some point.
"Anyway..." he started, deciding not to touch on that subject. "I don't know yet. Thought you were faking all of this, but now I just don't know."
And, perhaps, the planet had already answered that by allowing Sephiroth to live again. But Sephiroth hasn’t thought in those terms and probably won’t, at least not for a long while.
“I’m not faking,” he says. “I did something … I can’t remember what … and then I was here again and could barely remember anything. I still don’t think I remember it all…. I just see fire…. A lot of fire….”
Cloud knew, from experience, that the Lifestream ( or Aerith's will ) did spit people back out. Thus he needed to accept if Sephiroth being here was also the will of the planet. That wasn't something that he, at the current moment, was ready to fully think about or get behind.
"Slow down or you're going to work yourself up again," Cloud huffed. He didn't necessarily want to talk about all of it anyway. What if speaking on it broke whatever spell this was?
That was the last thing he needed. Sephiroth to be how he was. How he had been for the last several years.
"Zack's gone, but that - shockingly - wasn't actually you," Cloud started. This. This was what he would choose to say. "Shinra - Hojo - found us both after. You, more than anyone, know what happens when that man gets a hold of people."
He’s silent for a long time—mourning his friend, perhaps—and then finally sighs sorrowfully. “I couldn’t stop it…. I tried…. I couldn’t get control of my body. The insane part of me was too strong. I tried so many times…. That feeling of utter helplessness … it was completely frightening … isolating.”
And he knows Cloud surely understands. Cloud had fought against being taken over too.
“Yet at the same time, I know it was me. I can’t separate myself from that monster. Genesis was right about me.” He looks away. “The perfect monster….”
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2024-10-18 03:04 am (UTC)"Cloud ... I ... I'm so sorry...."
It wasn't good enough. No apology could ever begin to make up for everything he had done at Nibelheim. How was Cloud even well enough to ride a motorcycle after how Sephiroth had wounded him? He looked physically fine. That didn't make sense.
"Why aren't you wounded?"
He stumbled again. He was right on the edge of the hill he had come up. He could so easily slip and fall backwards any moment.
"I completely impaled you. How are you alright?!"
He blinked, clearly dizzy as he swayed.
no subject
Date: 2024-10-18 03:57 am (UTC)If anything, the grip on his blade tightened and Cloud stood his ground. Something was off, sure, but he couldn't be certain what follow.
"Whatever you're planning, it's not going to work."
Though Cloud hadn't encountered Sephiroth this out of sorts. He always seemed to be composed. Put together. This was more like what had happened before -
"You're not fooling me..."
no subject
Date: 2024-10-18 04:05 am (UTC)Sephiroth just blinked at him, not comprehending.
"I'm not planning anything. I've already burned everything. I ..." He shook his head. "They're all dead! Everything's in flames.... But ... you're not wounded.... What about Zack? What happened to Zack?"
He finally fell to his knees, shaking, staring at his hands.
"Is he dead too? Did I kill him? I remember we fought, but ... I never wanted to hurt Zack.... What happened to me? Why did I do it? Why did I do any of it?!"
He was growing more and more hysterical.
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Date: 2024-10-18 04:19 am (UTC)Another part wanted to goad him. Demand that he ask Jenovah those questions just because Cloud figured she would answer. As if she was anything more than a parasite that needed to feed and latch onto the one creature she could. No matter what, Cloud would keep in mind that Jenovah would continue to be a threat - one that lingered in the back of the man in front of him's mind.
What Cloud realized, however, was that Sephiroth, regardless of his state, was still a danger. Him having some sort of breakdown in the middle of the road didn't change that and anyone else that could potentially pass by would also be in danger.
"Shinra happened to Zack," he bit out, still cold in his tone even if he stepped out of a battle stance. The grip on his blade was still tight but Cloud was drawing near. "I swear if you're playing with me, I'll toss you right back into the Lifestream."
no subject
Date: 2024-10-18 04:27 am (UTC)He unfurled his wing without warning. He didn't even seem to realize he had done it, but now it was stretched out against the sky while he continued to try to comprehend what he was being told and could not seem to grasp it.
"I don't understand. I don't know what's happened. The last thing I remember is ... falling. You threw me into the reactor...."
He stared at his hands again. "Am I dead? I don't feel dead. But ... how could I be alive? Why would I be allowed to live after what I did?"
no subject
Date: 2024-10-18 04:36 am (UTC)"You really don't remember why everything happened at Nibelheim?"
Why would I be allowed to live after what I did... That was like a punch to the gut. Cloud often wondered why he was allowed to live after everything he allowed to happen. After everything he failed to stop, after he failed to protect people dear to him. Right now Sephiroth seemed actually torn at the prospect and it was catching Cloud off guard.
This was also quickly becoming awkward. Cloud didn't know what to do with a Sephiroth that wasn't hellbent on removing all life from the planet. What was he supposed to do with the man if he suddenly regained some semblance of humanity?
"Middle of the road isn't the place to talk about it. Get up."
no subject
Date: 2024-10-18 04:43 am (UTC)Sephiroth started to curl the wing around himself, but stopped at Cloud's next words. "... Road?" Oh yes, the motorcycle.... They were on the road.... Strange no one else had come by....
He slowly stumbled up and lost his balance, pitching forward towards Cloud instead of backwards off the hill.
no subject
Date: 2024-10-18 04:59 am (UTC)"Get it together," he huffed, though whether or not the comment was aimed at Sephiroth or himself was questionable. Up for interpretation as he turned slightly. Cloud wasn't about to trust the other to ride on the bike with him.
Then there was movement and Cloud whirled around, immediately on the defensive. Yet there wasn't an attack, but the body of a much larger man stumbling and tumbling forward. Unfortunately, despite his rough edges, Cloud's initial instinct is to catch, not step back.
Even if he does freeze up immediately after.
no subject
Date: 2024-10-18 05:13 am (UTC)"I'm sorry," he mumbled, his face against Cloud's shoulder. He started to push himself up and away from Cloud. "I'll leave. I shouldn't be here...."
Not that he was in any condition to go anywhere under his own power. The dizziness was obvious the more he moved.
no subject
Date: 2024-10-18 05:19 am (UTC)"No, you shouldn't," he replied, forcing himself to be rational and not driven by emotion. "But like hell I'd let you out of my sight."
That part wasn't an option. So even if the other man managed to get himself upright and away from Cloud? Cloud wasn't going to let him leave and the blonde wasn't going to leave himself. Against his better judgement, Cloud's gut twisting in uncertainty.
"Get on the bike."
He hated this.
no subject
Date: 2024-10-18 05:31 am (UTC)"No.... I won't bother you any more. I'll go...."
He spread his wing and tried to take off, but he was too dizzy. He just stumbled to the side and ended up draped on Fenrir. Shakily he tried to sit up and failed. This was ... not good.
no subject
Date: 2024-10-18 05:44 am (UTC)They were, unfortunately in Cloud’s opinion, linked. As long as Cloud remained alive, Sephiroth would always have some sort of tether. Back when he was just a Trooper working with Tseng and Zack on a mission, he didn’t understand the issue with Hollander and Genesis. There were parts that Cloud still didn’t fully comprehend. What he did know was that Hojo tried to do something similar.
Regardless, Cloud wasn’t about to let Sephiroth just go. So it was with some gross relief when he saw the other practically incapable of movement. That would potentially just make it easier. More disturbing, but easier.
“Doesn’t look like you can go anywhere,” he pointed out. “Being a recluse was part of the problem. Now I’m gonna get on the bike and you’re going to get on behind me. Try anything funny and…”
Well. Did he need to say it?
no subject
Date: 2024-10-18 05:56 am (UTC)But he would need to put his arms around Cloud for proper balance and safety. That would most certainly be awkward no matter what was going through his mind.
no subject
Date: 2024-10-19 04:03 am (UTC)"Probably stab me. Again," he murmured in return, taking a breath to steady himself.
Then he kicked off, going as fast as he could on his bike. Cloud went off-road, deciding that was the far better option than sticking to where people would be able to see. Who wouldn't potentially realize this was Sephiroth on sight? Cloud wasn't going to take the chance. There were plenty of abandoned places and spaces anyway. The blonde was going to find one for the both of them to just camp out. Literally speaking.
no subject
Date: 2024-10-19 04:10 am (UTC)"I won't," he mumbled. He had enough presence of mind to hold onto Cloud as they rode, but lapsed into silence. He was probably still conscious or he would fall even heavier against Cloud. The wing was still out, loose feathers blowing about as they rode.
Soon they would probably come to some vacant houses that would work. And it was likely just in time, as Sephiroth did act like he might be heading for losing consciousness.
no subject
Date: 2024-10-19 06:02 am (UTC)A vacant house was exactly what was needed. Cloud pulled up to it, coming to a stop. The other man felt heavier against his back and it was... Uncomfortable.
"Sit up," Cloud demanded. "Need to get off of the bike and inside."
Then, if Sephiroth needed, he would be able to collapse. Cloud figured that he would probably have to assist in that too.
no subject
Date: 2024-10-19 06:14 am (UTC)He pushes himself up more, struggling to hold himself upright and try to climb off the bike. Instead, he gets tangled up with it and his coat and is pitching off to the ground. So different from his normal grace and strength in movement. He grabs desperately for something to hold onto, which will probably be Cloud.
no subject
Date: 2024-10-19 06:59 am (UTC)It was taking all of the strength that he had to just make sure that they didn't tip over at first.
"Oh for the love of..."
He was going to have to handle this himself. Cloud would have to shift the much bigger man around. Get under an arm while draping it across Cloud's own shoulders. The blonde then moved inside of the building, nudging open the door with a foot before kicking it closed with a heel. From there he proceeded to move into what probably was a living room at some point. It was dusty and not the cleanest but it wasn't as though they had options. So he had to drop Sephiroth onto a chair that was too small for the man.
"Damn heavy.:
no subject
Date: 2024-10-19 07:10 am (UTC)"Ugh.... I'm sorry...." He holds a hand to his head. "I don't know what happened to me.... As soon as I'm well again, I'll leave. I won't bother you again, Cloud...."
Are a few more memories coming back? It's hard to say.
no subject
Date: 2024-10-19 07:24 am (UTC)Of course it was also uncomfortable for another reason. It sounded too much like himself, when he was at his worst. When Cloud would spend countless hours in the church, begging for forgiveness. He distanced himself from everyone for such a long time because of the guilt that was eating him alive from the inside out.
"I already said that I'm not letting you out of my sight so stop."
no subject
Date: 2024-10-19 07:42 am (UTC)“… And what will you do with me, Cloud? We can’t stay here forever.”
no subject
Date: 2024-10-19 07:56 am (UTC)"I'm not the one that can decide that."
Since it was the planet itself that Sephiroth had wronged. The very balance of life and death. Cloud wasn't so arrogant as to think that he could speak on the behalf of that. As angry as the man in front of him made Cloud, as much as he wanted Sephiroth to actually pay? It was easier to hold onto that when he was the egomaniac and not appearing more and more like the General that Cloud had looked up to at some point.
"Anyway..." he started, deciding not to touch on that subject. "I don't know yet. Thought you were faking all of this, but now I just don't know."
no subject
Date: 2024-10-19 08:02 am (UTC)“I’m not faking,” he says. “I did something … I can’t remember what … and then I was here again and could barely remember anything. I still don’t think I remember it all…. I just see fire…. A lot of fire….”
Nibelheim, still, or maybe Meteor.
no subject
Date: 2024-10-19 03:31 pm (UTC)"Slow down or you're going to work yourself up again," Cloud huffed. He didn't necessarily want to talk about all of it anyway. What if speaking on it broke whatever spell this was?
That was the last thing he needed. Sephiroth to be how he was. How he had been for the last several years.
"Zack's gone, but that - shockingly - wasn't actually you," Cloud started. This. This was what he would choose to say. "Shinra - Hojo - found us both after. You, more than anyone, know what happens when that man gets a hold of people."
no subject
Date: 2024-10-19 08:01 pm (UTC)He’s silent for a long time—mourning his friend, perhaps—and then finally sighs sorrowfully. “I couldn’t stop it…. I tried…. I couldn’t get control of my body. The insane part of me was too strong. I tried so many times…. That feeling of utter helplessness … it was completely frightening … isolating.”
And he knows Cloud surely understands. Cloud had fought against being taken over too.
“Yet at the same time, I know it was me. I can’t separate myself from that monster. Genesis was right about me.” He looks away. “The perfect monster….”
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